Husbandese

Married women understand their men better than they think!  They've learned to understand that special dialect called husbandese.  Here are a few examples:



"I'll do the dishes" = "I'll wash about half the dishes, and pile the rest of them in the sink to 'soak'."



"There's nothing to eat around here!" = "The cupboards and fridge are packed, but there's no pizza!"



"You don't show me enough affection." = "Sometimes I'm not confident that your life fully revolves around me."



"I'm going to bed. I'm sick. I feel terrible." = "I have mild allergies and am going to use that as an excuse to head upstairs and use the computer for the next 2 hours."

"I'll dress the baby." = "I'll put her in the first thing she points to - probably something that clashes, is 6 sizes too small, and I'll put it on backwards AND inside out!!"



"Let's go out on a date today." = "Let's pack up the kid and head to McDonald's."



"I'll watch the baby ...you go take a nap." = "I'll let the baby bang on the door for 10 minutes straight while I fix lunch, loudly shut every cupboard in the kitchen, and wake you up 5 minutes later because you've slept ALL DAY."



"The garbage doesn't need to be taken out." = "I feel sure I can pile 2 more things in the can before it tips over!"




"We don't have enough common interests!" = "Your favorite shows don't have enough explosions."



"I'd really like some time together tonight." = "It's time for a heap o' good lovin'."



"I need some snuggles." = "I want more than snuggles."



"I'm feeling neglected." = "It's been nearly 2 days since I last had a heap o' good lovin'.



"I did the laundry today!" = "I took the clean laundry that you already did out of the dryer, wadded it up and shoved it in a basket."



"I cleaned the living room!" = "I threw baby's toys in one corner and shoved my papers to a different corner - voila!"



"Baby wants you." = "I smelled something funny coming from the general direction of her diaper - but I'm going to pretend I didn't and just pass her over."



"I fed baby breakfast!" = "She had a bite of a pretzel, a banana and a few corn pops, she is good to go!"
 
 
Well that's all the translating I have time for tonight, I'm already up way past my baby's bedtime, which means not much sleep for me!

Funny Stuff My Kids Have Said

"I wish boredom had never been invented!"

"Mommy, it seems like you're always getting pregnant left and right!"

"That's a cool ruler.  You could rule anything with that ruler!"

"Mommy you smell good.  You smell like a dryer!"



Today my 3 year old was sitting on the floor and I had one leg sprawled over the chair just trying to get comfy - difficult to do in the rotund 7th month of pregnancy.  Suddenly she says, "Why are you showing off your foot?"  Umm...I'm putting it up, why?  Is that immodest?  "Yes." she replied, "I don't need to see your foot!"  Well well excuse me...you are barefoot too young lady!

I Want Sushi!

It's baby nap time again!  Time to break out the Doritos and watch Dr. Phil!  NOT that I usually watch that.  LOL.

Well I got my first "Are you pregnant?" inquiry from a stranger today.  I was pretty happy about that since at 23 weeks along, it still seems like everyone assumes I'm just really fat!  I was so tempted to buy a tacky "baby on board" t-shirt but decided against it.

In every woman's pregnancy it seems, there comes a time when she is just so darn tired of it!  I know it's a little bit early but I'm already getting to that point...

The point where I just want to eat soft cheese and sushi. 

And order a triple shot espresso or a non-virginal daiquiri. 

And sleep on my stomach!

Or take a dip in a hot tub!

Or move the couch!

But I'll be getting back to those things soon enough.  And by then I won't feel like it anymore!

About This Blog

Welcome to my little hodge podge of ramblings, curious things from the web, and other fun stuff.  Shh...don't wake the baby!  This is Mommy's quiet time!