Married women understand their men better than they think! They've learned to understand that special dialect called husbandese. Here are a few examples:"I'll do the dishes" = "I'll wash about half the dishes, and pile the rest of them in the sink to 'soak'."
"There's nothing to eat around here!" = "The cupboards and fridge are packed, but there's no pizza!"
"You don't show me enough affection." = "Sometimes I'm not confident that your life fully revolves around me."
"I'm going to bed. I'm sick. I feel terrible." = "I have mild allergies and am going to use that as an excuse to head upstairs and use the computer for the next 2 hours."
"I'll dress the baby." = "I'll put her in the first thing she points to - probably something that clashes, is 6 sizes too small, and I'll put it on backwards AND inside out!!"
"Let's go out on a date today." = "Let's pack up the kid and head to McDonald's."
"I'll watch the baby ...you go take a nap." = "I'll let the baby bang on the door for 10 minutes straight while I fix lunch, loudly shut every cupboard in the kitchen, and wake you up 5 minutes later because you've slept ALL DAY."
"The garbage doesn't need to be taken out." = "I feel sure I can pile 2 more things in the can before it tips over!"
"We don't have enough common interests!" = "Your favorite shows don't have enough explosions."
"I'd really like some time together tonight." = "It's time for a heap o' good lovin'."
"I need some snuggles." = "I want more than snuggles."
"I'm feeling neglected." = "It's been nearly 2 days since I last had a heap o' good lovin'.
"I did the laundry today!" = "I took the clean laundry that you already did out of the dryer, wadded it up and shoved it in a basket."
"I cleaned the living room!" = "I threw baby's toys in one corner and shoved my papers to a different corner - voila!"
"Baby wants you." = "I smelled something funny coming from the general direction of her diaper - but I'm going to pretend I didn't and just pass her over."
"I fed baby breakfast!" = "She had a bite of a pretzel, a banana and a few corn pops, she is good to go!"
Well that's all the translating I have time for tonight, I'm already up way past my baby's bedtime, which means not much sleep for me!
