A Few Tips About Marriage

I have been married for several years.  And even though I've been married for several years, that does not make me an expert on marriage.  There have been plenty of times I felt like I'd had it up to my eyeballs and would rather live in a cardboard box than with my husband. But we both tried to hold on until we moved on to better times.

Anyway here are a few tips to help you get through those rough patches:

1.  The main thing is to understand that you are 2 different people.  You can't get your nose out of joint when they don't think or act like you.  You may value different things.  You may need different things.  You may expect different things.  That's okay.  Just try to be honest with what you want and respect each others differences.  And you don't NEED to share the same hobbies - that's what he has friends for!

2. Be nice to each other without expecting something in return.  It's a shame that, if we really admit it, we often treat guests better than we treat family.  Every once in a while you've got to just give without expecting anything  - not even a thank you - in return.  Just let the good deed be it's own reward.

3.  Don't keep score.  Yep, you do more and listen better.  But nothing keeps a fight going worse than keeping score.  Just privately know that you are the superior spouse - or say it on your blog - but not to your husband.  God sees!

And trust me, it's not worth it to nag.  (But if you find a way to get your husband to pick up his socks without nagging, email me immediately!)

4.  Don't compare.  While they are dating and trying to impress you, men shower and wear cologne.  They say perdy things.  They buy perdy things.  They wear pants!  But once they are married most men turn into inconsiderate slobs who refuse to part with the remote.  What makes you think your high school boyfriend would've been any different?  Just try to remember the good things about him.  Chances are, none of his faults are good enough reason to remain single and end up eaten by your cat in 40 years.

5.  Say you're sorry.  On the rare occasion when it's not actually his fault, humble yourself a little and admit that it was probably not necessary to use that term to describe his mother or loudly wish you'd married your high school boyfriend.  We all make mistakes and there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, only two imperfect people who learn to forgive again and again.

Every marriage has problems.  Every single one.  I've heard of one person who said they and their husband never fought - not once.  This person later found out her husband was having an affair and soon left her for his mistress.  This person was fooled into thinking that because they never talked about any problems, they didn't exist.  Good marriages involve talking - even when you don't feel like talking about it.  They also involve letting go of grudges and certain expectations.  Try to love your spouse for who they are, not who you wish they were.  You have to admit you probably aren't totally perfect either.

 And remember that you can only change one half of a marriage - and that's what kind of spouse you are, so don't waste time trying to change the wrong half.

Hang in there, because the only way to keep a marriage is to not get divorced, even when you really want to!  Every marriage has bad times and good times.

If You're Looking For A Little Something...

Generally, your husband is not the person you want to ask if something is missing.  Maybe there are some exceptions to the rule, but most husbands don't even know where things are that aren't lost.  They can't help it.  It must be tied to the Y chromosome or something.  It has probably always been that way...

Example?  Okay, here is a snippet from an actual conversation I had with my husband:

DH: Honey, where is the ketchup?

Me:  What?

DH:  (Slightly panicked) Please don't tell me you forgot to buy ketchup!

Me:  No I didn't.  Sheesh it's right there in the fridge.

DH:  Where in the fridge?

Me:  I don't know -  isn't "in the fridge" specific enough for you?  In the door, I think.

DH:  (totally panicked)  No it's noooot!  Where is it??

Me:  Hold on a sec.  I'm sure it's in the fridge good grief.

I then reluctantly stop what I'm doing to get off my tuffet and waltz on over to the fridge only to see - yep there is the ketchup staring me right in the face, in the door where I said it was and not even behind the butter or anything!  Ugh!

DH: Honey?  Where are my glasses?

Me:  You're wearing them.

DH:  Oh my gosh I didn't even feel them!

Me: *Smacking my forehead* 

Yes this actually happened!!  In his defense, they are some pretty lightweight frames.  I wish mine were that light!

Selective Hearing And Other Tricks of The Trade

How is it that my children fail to hear me when I ask them 3 times to pick up their socks and toys, WHILE I'm in the same room with them but THEN when I open a chocolate toffee ice cream bar on the other side of the house they DO hear it and come running!

Hmm...and just when I was about to have their hearing tested again.

And for their information, the reason I put on the Disney dance party Wii game for them and snuck into the other room was so I wouldn't have to share!  I know as a parent you have to say that sharing is fun, but the truth is it's very low on the fun list.  And other than with their kids, adults don't really ever have to share anything.

It's just a shame they "can't hear me" ask them to clear the table or make their beds.  Well two can play that game my friend.  What is that?  You asked me to take you swimming?  I'm sorry I didn't hear you ask that, and now it's too late in the day.  So sad!

And after so many years of parenting...I don't really hear temper tantrums anymore.  It's all background static.  I just go about my business until somehow the chill is put back in children! Ha!

Here is another tool of the trade for parenthood - selective speech.  Never use the word "candy" in mixed company unless you actually have one you are planning on bestowing in the immediate future.  Other forbidden words include toy, bath-time, playground, and oddly enough Santa Claus.  Because maybe they actually think you will make him appear.  *Shrug* And never say "I'm going out" unless you want to take the children with you rightthatverysecond!  You won't make that mistake twice!