I often receive compliments on how well-behaved my children are, and many seem to assume they were born that way. Nothing could be further from the truth. Every child is born demanding and egocentric, and must be taught otherwise. If there is one thing about parenting that I passionately believe in, it's that every child is a blank slate. Parenting is a from-scratch process. Nature affects our lives to an extent, but nurturing will always be vastly more important!
Children are by nature very impatient, and rather impolite about it as well. I see many exasperated mothers make the mistake of feeding this attitude by giving their child everything they want immediately.
When my children want something, I do not immediately drop whatever it is I'm doing to get it for them. Some judgmental mommies have accused me of being lazy, but my actions are intentional. I want my children to respect other people, and I'm as good a person as any to begin with! To put ceaseless demands upon other people and expect immediate results will not get them far in life (though I'm sure that some of us do have bosses like this!). I want my children to learn to wait patiently, so I explain to them that I need to finish cleaning the table before I fix their toy, and I need to go to the bathroom before I make their snack, and I want them to catch onto the fact that my world does not fully revolve around them - nor should it. This is a valuable lesson!
I want my children to be independent. Most Americans value independence in their children, but not many encourage it! The best way to instill independence is to let your children try. You will never know what they are ready for unless you let them try. Every child should be able to manage a cup without a lid or straw by the age of 2 and a half. By the age of 4 or 5 I expect them to fully dress themselves without help most of the time. I want them to grasp as much control over their daily lives as possible. I'm there if they really need me, but not just because they don't want to do it themselves.
I want my children to be neat and take responsibility for their own belongings. I am sick to death of mothers nowadays acting as though asking a child to do a few chores is abusive. I believe just the opposite is true. If you do not teach your child to be a hard worker and self-starter, he will pay for it later in life. My children have daily chores, and I do not pick up after them. I have actually been criticized for this. It takes 15 minutes per day for my kids to pick up their toys off the floor. Is that slavery?? I think most mothers feel it is their duty to pick up after their children, so their children never learn to take care of their toys. I don't do what they are ready to do themselves, which still leaves me with plenty of housework!
Martyrdom has it's place in the world, but not in parenting.
Every child is born with a complete lack of manners. Manners must be taught. Please, parents of the world, manage your children and teach them manners! I have seen many, many young children wander up to me unattended by parents who just don't parent, and these wandering kids try to treat my children rudely or even abusively, steal our belongings or gobble food right off of our plates! There is no excuse for even young children to behave this way. I have seen many mothers just SIT there and do nothing to try to calm or remove their disruptive, screeching children. Parenting is not a spectator sport - you do actually have to get off of your rear once in a while to stop your child from terrorizing public places.
The worst possible thing you can do is to reward bad behaviors, yet this happens all the time. A screeching child need not be gifted with any kind of bribe. I do believe in bribery, but only as a natural consequence of correct behavior. If you always give in to your child when they whine, scream, or even hit, don't be surprised when this behavior continues. Even monkeys know to continue pushing the right buttons in order to get a treat, and your child has figured this system out too. I have one simple rule when it comes to outrageous behavior, and that is that it equals loss of privilege.
Sometimes, good parenting takes time. It takes time for children to learn these lessons and develop good habits. I have one child who took longer than the others and could scream longer and louder than the others, but I kept with it and in time those tantrums did taper off.
If I could give one piece of advice to new mothers that I wish I had known, it's that you create the world in which they live. Grab the reins and hold on tight. Do not allow your child to be the boss of you because it is no favor at all. You are doing your child a great disservice by expecting them to know how to act when you have never taught them.
Parenting is not a quick doodle but like chipping away at a marble statue. It takes time, patience, and persistence.
No comments:
Post a Comment